Another note from Annie

We have not been able to post over the past couple of days. Braden is having more issues lately than we would like. Steve was able to post some of the major details and I am personally overloaded with information. I have been through all the emotions that my brain can think of and now I somehow feel numb. I know I must accept the fact that my son is in NICU facing really bad days. But my heart aches for my son like any mother's would. My arms ache to hold him and I ache to kiss his sweet face. My ears ache to hear him cry.

I try to stay strong for Braden, for my husband and for myself. But that is much harder than it sounds. Crying, not sleeping and not eating has become the norm in our lives. We cry so much that we actually get headaches and I could almost swear we have no tears left. I know that his doctors and nurses will take excellent care of Braden. Right now it feels as though the medical staff at Baylor are his parents 24/7 and we pray and pray for them as much as we can. I know that prayerful people like you will give his spirit the motivation to keep on fighting. And we pray for you, too!

Having a child in NICU can really humble a person and make you feel like nothing else really matters. My heart is at Baylor NICU like many other mothers who have babies there. There truly are no words that can describe what it feels like and how much it hurts. Before Braden was born, I was very spoiled and many would have labeled me as high maitenance. But suddenly, all of those perspectives have changed. I used to be the first one in line for the new Carlos Santana sandals or the new line of Nine West purses at Foley's. But now, I could honestly care less about any of those things. All my energy is on Braden and Steve. We pray that Braden will have no serious medical issues when he finally comes home. But even if he does, who cares? We want our son in whatever way God will give him to us.

That drive to Baylor will be burned in our brains forever. We will never be able to drive through downtown Dallas without remembering all of this. Going to Baylor is not a burden. It's almost like getting a treat at the end of the work day. Seeing Braden gives us strength to do what we need to do. And it also helps us to prepare for that joyful day when he gets to come home.

Right now I am working full days. But depending on Braden, sometimes I work half days. I have just enough time to get home, try to eat and shower, then jump in the car by 7:00 p.m. We can see Braden at 8:00 p.m. and we stay until 10:00 or so. Seeing the downtown streets every day is almost theraputic. And it is educational! I can tell you every detail of those streets. I should have a job giving tours of the downtown area! Want to know where to park your car for the JFK Museum or how to find the Farmer's Market? Just ask me! Clara can give you the exact times of every Dart Train or Bus that go downtown because she takes those every day. As we are adapting to our new routine, we keep seeing the same people on the street, on the bus, walking to their cars doing their daily routine. And it's getting easier.

Steve and I have been through a lot in our first year of marriage. We have had our ups and downs like most couples. Our 1 year anniversary is April 10 and I can honestly say that I love Steve more with each passing day. It's sometimes hard to imagine that I could love him even more, but the next day, I do! Steve's strength and loving emotions through all of this has been inspirational. I am so proud to see him be such a caring and devoted daddy. It does get hard because our stress levels are at an all-time high. But he and I love each other and our son and we're sticking together! Steve's family doesn't live here. His father and step-mother, Bob and Amy a.k.a. Grandbob and Gramy, live in Memphis, Tennessee. His mother lives in Sherman. The distance does make it tough but my family is here. And there's a ton of us and hopefully that makes him feel a little better.

Thanks for stopping by here to check on Braden and thank you for all your words of encouragement. Special thanks for all of your prayers!